What are you passionate about? What makes you smile?

I've been thinking a lot about what makes me happy lately... I guess the bad mood from earlier in the week made me look to within for something good.

I've got a few things that I'm passionate about... obviously the top of the list is my family.

I really got lucky 10 and a bit years ago when I met my husband- he never once hesitated in taking on me and my 2 children, never once begrudged them anything. He has supported me in everything I have ever wanted to do- be it the psychology/sociology degree that never got finished, the tafe courses (that did get finished), the numerous attempts at losing weight or the starting of my own business. I still find him incredibly attractive, and much to the "horror" of my children and the young girls I work alongside of in the salon- I am deeply in love with him and love him more each day. I know that sounds so corny.... I'll be the first to admit that it hasn't always been easy- and there are times when I am sure we could almost strangle each other- but when it comes down to it- I simply don't want to be without him. I am determined to make my marriage be one that my children can be proud of, that I can be proud of... that in 50 years time we can be one of those cute old couples that still hold hands walking down the street- ok so maybe by then it will be so we don't fall over, but hey at least he'll still be there beside me :)
My children... my sweet, loving, and often pain in the butt children. Each of them amazing me in different ways- and even though I wish they would clean their rooms without all the angst, I wouldn't want to be in this world without them. I have never felt exceptionally maternal and growing up, kids were never in my plans. I constantly worry that I'm not good enough for them, that I'm doing something wrong- but have been told that I wouldn't be a mum unless I did think like that...lol There is something reassuring and somewhat life affirming about watching your child grow, discover new things and sleep (especially sleep at the end of a long day...lol) I love listening them or watching them play together when they don't know I am. I love how my eldest sticks up for his sister even though he tells you she is the most annoying person ever, or how my daughter likes to make sure everyone is ok (she's like me in that regard) or how my youngest idolises his big brother and sister.

My job- I love my job, I seriously do... I get to make people feel better about themselves... be it by doing their nails, giving them a manicure or a pedicure, doing their makeup or even just being a willing ear to sit and listen to them and ask about their day. I know that sometimes it is nice to have someone who will listen to you. I've shared some important parts of my clients lives- wedding days, school formals, becoming grandparents, becoming parents, new relationships/relationship break downs, illness- all aspects of their lives that they share with me. Yes there are times that I really am not in the mood to hear about so&so's grandson, but my client never knows that, I always ask how they have been. (my client cards have notes about all sorts of things on them- ie upcoming holidays etc that I can look over before they arrive)

Books... I am passionate about books. I love the smell of books, the feel of the pages... the magic of losing myself into another world. I love that my eldest son also shares this passion- we often are reading the same books at the same time.

My friends... I can count on one hand how many true friends I have- and even though I have plenty of "mates" I really only have a couple of true friends. They are the types of friends that you can go weeks or months without seeing but when you get together it is like you've never been apart... that no matter what I am going through (or what they may be going through) we are always there for each other. These couple of friends I would happily give body parts to if they needed them.

Well I guess that is enough rambling from me for today- my man is due home any minute and I want a cuddle :)


oh a quote I heard recently (unfortunately at a funeral) is "Happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want" and it really struck a chord with me, hope it does with you as well :)


Bella

My gorgeous family :)

Week 7, a small loss

After a week where I was questioning if all the effort of losing weight was worth it- I had a small loss of 400grams this week. And now that my mood is improving, it is 400grams I am very grateful for.

I am amazed at the support on the weight watchers forum. I posted about my struggle and the encouragement I got was amazing- it is good to talk to someone who knows what you are going through, someone who understands the struggles of losing weight. 

I know that there is going to be times when, like this last week, I will question my resolve and my ability to stick with the program but knowing that I'm not alone makes it that much less daunting.

Hopefully next week I will break through the 10kg lost barrier, I had been hoping to do it this week- but am 200grams short, so next week will be my week.

Here's to a better week,

Bella

OMG OMG They fit!!!

My wedding and engagement rings fit!!!


*does happy dance*


I stopped wearing them a few years ago, told myself (and everyone else) that it was because of the setting- that it sat up too high and I was worried about things getting caught and losing some of the diamonds. But truthfully it was because they were uncomfortably tight, and when my fingers swelled- it was almost painful.


So I was just sitting here missing my husband (as you know he's away for a couple of days with work) when I thought to try on my rings. And YAY they fit!!! This is a huge deal for me.


So now I sit here with rings on each ring finger- my wedding and engagement rings on my left hand and the amethyst ring my husband got my for a birthday one year on the other.


I am sooo happy!!






Bella

Week 6 weigh-in...another loss

Well the scales continue to be heading in the right direction :) A loss of 1.3kg this week, bringing my 6 week total to 9.4kg... so close to 10kg- hopefully next Wednesday I'll be able to say I've lost 10kg!!

I didn't sleep very well last night... I never seem to sleep well when Andrew is away (or me away from him) I guess the 10 years of sleeping beside him has become a habit...lol.

Anyway I need to get the kids organised and ready for school...have a great day


Bella

aarrgghhh what a day

*breathe in, breathe out* *breathe in, breathe out**breathe in, breathe out*




My husband has left for a few days for work, he's been gone for all of an hour and already I am pulling my hair out with our 3 children.
I've had my eldest son at the psychologist- so he hates me (didn't want to go because he knew this  session was one where I had to "report" back on what has been happening at home.)
My daughter is being a pre-teen princess... moody and stomping around.
And the youngest son hasn't stopped sooking since I picked him up from school... there's not anything actually wrong with him- he tired and knows that Dad has gone away.
I've had 3 requests for various takeaway- usually a treat when Dad goes away. The 3 requests were followed quickly by 3 definite no's. Which has of course added to the stomping, crying and bad moods.
So I've escaped to my room for 10 minutes to blog my feelings and frustrations instead of stuffing them away with food.
With Andrew being away it means that I can't go and take away my frustrations on the footpath unless I take 3 kids with me...which would kind of defeat the "escape" benefit of going for a walk.

*breathe in, breathe out*

Ok so I feel a little better now.


Bella

I want collarbones!! and ribs while I'm at it :)

I have a new goal... I want collarbones that you can see. And I want ribs that when I suck everything in you can see them (ribs without holding everything in isn't a good look in my opinion).


I have discovered that I have hip bones... admittedly I have to be laying down, and you have to make sure my "stomach pouch" isn't in the way (soooo getting rid of that when I'm at goal-that and the tuckshop lady batwings)... but I have hips bones- and they are hard!! Who knew? :)
So the discovery of hips bones that are hard, has led to the wanting of collarbones... I want to be able to wear all those tops and dresses with the pretty necklines, and have collarbones to show, not have it look like my breasts grow from my shoulders.


Now while I'm placing the order on body parts/ shape... I want a flat back... I don't want "back boobs", and I want shoulders that are boney (or is that bony?)... not shoulders that just slope down from my neck.
I'm hoping that ankles aren't to much to ask for either.


So what am I going to do to achieve all these fabulous body parts (apart from find the dollars to pay for the surgeon to take away all the excess skin...) ??
I'm going to be working my generous sized butt off...


I'm going to be doing :


* The C25k program http://www.c25k.com/
* The 100 push up program  http://www.hundredpushups.com/
* The 200 sit up program http://www.twohundredsitups.com/  (stomach muscles hurt just thinking about this one)
* The 200 squat program http://www.twohundredsquats.com/


I'm sitting down today and working out a training program, one to ensure I'm using different muscle groups on different days so that I can have a recovery day between sessions.
It's only going to be 30-60 minutes a day...and hopefully it won't be too long before I can see results.




Well sitting here isn't going to get this body overhaul started... and yes there will be progress photos- but I'm not putting any "before" photos up until I have some "after" ones :)


Bella

5th week wake up call

ok so not really a harsh wake up call... but weigh-in this morning has still affect my mood in a negative way.

I only lost 200 grams this week. And while I know logically a loss is a loss...and that the slower I lose the weight the more likely it is to stay off, I am still feeling really down and I can feel the old me sneaking in to my head and trying to sabotage what I have done.

The thing is I know where I went wrong this week... I simply didn't eat enough. Most nights of the past week I still had at least a third but more often than not, half of my daily allowance of points left over.
While I know that Weight Watchers as a program works, it is still hard to get use to the idea that to lose weight I need to eat. It's so hard to change the brain, to change everything I have ever thought about dieting. Logic, it appears, doesn't have a very strong hold in my mind when it comes to dieting/ weight loss yet, because I know all the things I need to do, I know all the things I should be doing but it is still hard to break the habit.

I sit here now and I'm scared... scared that I'm going to fall back into my old habits, scared that the thoughts I'm having of just giving up will take over. I need for logic to win over emotions this time, my children need for logic to win over emotions.... I just don't know if I have the strength to do this.



Bella

I need for the angel to win this " battle of the bulge"

Changes I'm noticing....

ok so I'm only in my 5th week, and have only lost 7.9kg but I'm starting to notice some changes.

It's getting easier to do things.... things like walking... while I still have a long way to go it's getting easier to do.
I've also noticed my stomach is getting flabbier- while it is still big, it is no longer as firm as it was. It's getting saggy...LOL... a bit like how your stomach feels after you've had a baby.
I'm also in less pain. I often get pain in my hips and knees, and although I am still getting some pain it isn't as much as I was getting.

I'm determined to start doing more exercise... I want to start the C25K program. I have downloaded the podcasts and am going to be starting this week. I am planning on doing week 1 for at least a couple of weeks. It scares me...correction it absolutely terrifies me- the thought of running. However I have a girlfriend that is leaving for Ireland- for 2 years :( in 14 weeks and I want to go for a run with her before she leaves. So I have a deadline... still not sure if that is good or not, because if I don't make it then I'm worried about what will happen but I'm hoping that because I'm in a better head space now I won't de-rail.
The fact that I'm even thinking about running is a change for me... I would never have thought about runniing before and now I have it as a goal.

That's all for now, I'm taking my daughter out for her first horseriding lesson... oh that's another goal for me to be able to do.

Bella

Another weigh-in and another loss :)

Had my 4th weigh-in this morning and I have lost another 1.4kg for the week, bringing my total to 7.9kg gone in 4 weeks. This also means that I have lost over 5% of my starting weight... go team me :)

I'm starting to notice the loss in a few of my clothes, which is good. I have a couple of things in my wardrobe that I would love to be able to fit back into on my way to goal. The good thing is that these are starting to fit a little better.

Anyway I better get the morning routine started.

Have a great day ...

Bella

Trying to avoid emotional eating

Oh man what an afternoon....

My eldest son has just started to high school, and after being bullied throughout primary school he was hoping that it would be a new start. Unfortunately it hasn't been :(
It has been a horrible start to the week, with him being in tears this afternoon saying that he wishes he didn't exist, and that his life is just "too hard" and that he doesn't matter to anyone.
I sat and cried with him, trying to console him, reassure him and convince him that he is in fact important etc.
He has been seeing a psychologist over the Christmas holidays, as there are a few issues that have needed to be addressed - and he had been making some progress... but now it's like all the hard work we have put in has been undone. I feel so helpless that he is hurting and I can't do anything about it. I'm terrified that he will end up in the statistics of male teen suicide :(
It is taking all the will power I have to not try and find comfort in food... to not stuff away my fears and anxieties under a mountain of chocolate. So here I am trying to get everything out and avoid the cupboard...

Here's to avoiding the cupboard and resisting the urge to bail up the kids who like to torment my son and give them a taste of their own medicine.

Bella